Love For Real
To Love For Real, how to create a deep, meaningful and loving relationship without drama, pleasing and back-bending.
Conscious relating: the what, why, and how. Learn how to use relating as a conscious practice for personal and spiritual growth, deepening love, and living a life on purpose - without bending over backward, pleasing others, or creating resentment.
Why conscious relating? The majority of the population engages in transaction-based or trauma-bonded relating, meaning they project their wounded inner child, trauma, or parental figure onto their partner. This creates unrealistic expectations, a lack of self-responsibility, and disconnection from one's own reasonable emotions, needs, and even life drive.
Such relating typically starts with a honeymoon phase where we "fall in love" and project perfection onto the other person until we wake up from this illusion and realize that the partner wasn't at all what we believed them to be. This is unfair, and the drama begins. The risk is a vicious cycle of blame, shame, followed by makeup sex, and repressed emotions. Such relating tends to lack depth and bonds people through the fear of being alone, adhering to societal standards, or the unconscious emotional addiction to being in a relationship that reinforces negative behavior patterns.
It requires effort...
Relationship = business. All relating requires dedicated inner work to function. There's no way around this, so instead of mindlessly relating based on mental perspectives, why not focus on creating a mutual container with the intent to support each other in growing and developing as human beings? Understand that each couple is unique and can decide their own rules.
Question the status quo...
Conscious relating is the opposite. Instead of living out unconscious patterns and behaviors, the intention is to support each other in becoming better versions of ourselves. In this context, emotions, fears, and insecurities are welcomed based on ownership and vulnerability. Here, there's an active choice not to use wounds and weak spots against each other but instead to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. We celebrate each other's successes and life missions, or perhaps even start living a higher purpose together.
We learn to deal with ourselves, sit with discomfort, and practice the art of authentic expression as a means of liberation and deepening love and relating. When we stop taking life and emotions as threatening or overly serious, we can allow the other person to express themselves without making a big deal out of it. In most cases, the sooner, the better (note: this refers to healthy communication, not dramatic expressions).
This type of relating, of course, requires dedicated willingness to use each other for the sake of growth and transformation. There are some things we humans simply can't do on our own, and we all have wounds from the past. That's just how it is.
Be playful and open!
The aim is to understand the beauty of this type of relating and the fun we can have when playing out our little human dramas in a conscious and responsible way. Of course, in the beginning, it may take some time to adopt the new, sustainable habit of sweet and loving relating. However, with the right mindset, willingness, open-mindedness, and practical toolbox, a more loving and caring intimate relationship can quickly be established. There's a powerful bonus and ripple effect: as we deepen our love for ourselves and learn practical tools, it positively impacts all relationships around us - children, friends, employees, etc.
The promise of such a relationship is a feeling of liberation, relaxation, and increased capability in conflict resolution. It contributes to a sense of ease, joy, and perhaps even getting to know your partner for real, for the first time.